Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
