I wish my penis had an off switch
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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