The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
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