shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
