who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
