oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
