$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
