shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
