He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
You may now shotgun with the bride
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
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