So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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