Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
