Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Randomize
