Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
