farters have to be the big spoon...
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
