I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
