i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
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