When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
