So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
