I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
