I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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