I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize