thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
