he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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