I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
