he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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