That's when you crack a 10am beer
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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