Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
