A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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