i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Randomize
