its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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