he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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