would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
