So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize