I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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