We're like a lot better than the average bears
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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