In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
