im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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