her vagine was all disorganized.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I have fence marks all over my body
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
