fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
All I want is dick and wine.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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