so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
