I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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