I'm laying in your front yard are you home
only if we run a train.
done.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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