yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
