I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
