i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
In America we eat man semen.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
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