His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
