Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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