im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
