I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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