that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Sober January is a disaster.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
