I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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