I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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