i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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