my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
