Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
dude i'm inner monologue high
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
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