3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Dignity is for republicans.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
