Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
