Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
