You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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