some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
