Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
