So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
