just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
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