His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
they're like a gay fantastic four
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
