can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Randomize
