In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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