How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Randomize