Heybabeimwearingurpanties
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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