I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
So I just went to clothing optional bar
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
