just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Randomize
