Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
