if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize