I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Randomize
