I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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