His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
