dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
