Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
